She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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