Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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