I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's the barista slut.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
