I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
