you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
