i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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