did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
