I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
