Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
