i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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