How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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