Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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