Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
