it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
