How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
