So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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