He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
