I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
