Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
