After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
