I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize