I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
