Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
