just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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