Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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