I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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