hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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