you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
