Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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