: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
