i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
