That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
