I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
