I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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