why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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