it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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