I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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