Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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