So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
