Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
