also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
