Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
