And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
