2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
