So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
