I've blown a few things in my day
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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