My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
NoShamevember. You game?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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