I got chris browned last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
