New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The best revenge is premature balding
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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