I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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