I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
