i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
