he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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