my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
