everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
