you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
