I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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