It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
