Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
