Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
