Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
