I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
